Campus Life As I Say it

bAby bLuRtz

Good day every1. o gosh. finally able to on9. so long didn't get to. WiFi can't reach our room. And it's like on the 5th floor ok. i don't get it either.

anyway.
i've been living campus life for like 2 weeks now. i gotta be honest. i've always wanted to live this life. and i mean,always. and now,i'm living it. HaHa.
it's a wee bit different. like,it's not like when i was in high school where i can laze around and stuff. Here, i must pay attention. i mean, it's like a D.I.Y process. u snooze u lose. 1 semester is only like 3-4 months. so,yea. and we have exams every semester. darn.

the best thing though.
u have a free life. u can go out,but be home before curfew. hm. can be a life that u dread or love. something like that. i can't explain. well since assignments hasn't been given out yet,so i still have a lot of time for me. I don't know if it's the same when assignment start though. I doubt it.

anyway.
wish me luck.

ttfn
eLLE

Ku Hidup Dgn Siapa?

bAby bLuRtz

long time no bloggie. i missed u.
anyway,don't be suprise by the title. i know it's so 'keBMan' but yea i don't really know what to describe of this post.

so anyway. i've been with this guy quite a long time now.it's been what?a year and almost 2 months?yea i know that it's not necessarily gonna be like a happy ending and stuff,and i'm not putting much hope on it.but i guess i could at least appreciate it while it lasts.

this past few days, or shall i say weeks,we have been going through quite a few rough times. and usually it's about the same damn thing. u know i'm not the needy type. i might be. but i won't say that i'm that much needy.i can give time but,hell sometimes,i just miss him a lot.but he's just into the games.i'm like 'helloooo??your girl's here?'.but when i talked to him about this,we'll usually fight.and i hate that. i hate it. the last time we talked about this,i broke up with him.but then we got back together within hours.i mean,i love him.it's hard to let go.not when i really love this feeling.but,it's hard to stay on either.because it's just gonna be the same thing again.

he said it once that day,that when we broke up and make up again it seems a bit meaningless. God knows how that sentence hurt me. deeply. what is he saying? that i'm being stupid for trying to give it a go again? that we don't deserve to be together again? that i'm boring him with making up? that,i'm...ugh i just don't know. i'm sorta sick of thinking about it too.

i never ask why did he say so. or what did he meant when he said those words. i guess i just didn't want to know. i do. but i'm not sure i'm ready for the answer. but, next time when i say break up,or when he wants it,i'm not gonna want to make up again. i think i'm just gonna embarrase myself if i keep saying yes to making up after breaking up. i'm not needy as i said before,so i won't. don't worry my dear. next time it's for real. so make it worth it.

i love him. alot. but. things change. they will. we may find ourselves feeling different afterwards.
but i do. i love you. more than u'll ever know.

UiTM here Elle comes

bAby bLuRtz

hello sunshines..
lol.
it's been a while since i blog. well nothing really inspired me. lol.
anyway, i'm accepted into UiTM for my Diploma In Tourism. so,YEAH! i'm so excited to go. this is what i wanted all along. like ever since i know what universities are. lol.

so i can't wait...

BAD NEWS.
i lost my beloved chihuahua-POLY. she was my bestfriend. i mean this is my first real pet,as in real pet like i really do care alot about. and suddenly,she went MIA. i thought she would come back. but she didn't. that's why i'm so bumped right now. i want it back. BADLY!

anyway,
to the person who took my baby away from me,
i'm telling u.
U'LL REGRET IT!
damn u..
assole!
POLY,i missed u..alot..

DON'T

bAby bLuRtz

dear bloggie..
i love him. everyone knows that. this is not meant to hurt him. it is merely a fling. i promised you,he's the one who really has my heart. if you want me to choose between them,it is him i choose. No matter what. i am always in love with him. he is my dear. my first true love. my jerald. but this fling is merely an entertainment. please don't punish me by taking him away from me. i love him.

i love you my dear. i am a part of EJ.

ALWAYS.

cola

bAby bLuRtz

It's our 1 year anni. i remember. u too. but.. lol..

these past 1 year of being with you..

it has been filled with emotions. whether it's happy. sad. anger. jealousy... all those,in 1 year,i know how it taste like.

it has beed quite a roller coaster ride. and to be honest, i kinda like this roller coaster ride. even if there are times i felt like i couldn't go on, i still do. because i know i can't just let go. you're something to me. something that brings many meanings. though you might not always be perfect, and i know you are capable of hurting me and loving me at the same time, i still choose you. because i love you.

1 year for a girl like me, is a long time. and you know very well of that fact. i can't explain what is it that makes me stay with you, even when the clouds are grey. but you are different in your own ways. to tell you i love you,that's the easier part.

my dear..
i love you.

HAPPY 1st Year Anni.

LoL

bAby bLuRtz

Miss me??

LoL..me too. haven't got the time to blog so much. been rather busy and also feels like lazy to blog. lol. but blog,i love you still.

anyways..
i never blog about my anxiety while waiting for my SPM results right? Why? Don't ask. i don't know why either. but well, as you know, results came out some few weeks ago, and i couldn't believe it either, but i excel in my SPM. trust me. no words can describe how i felt when i got the slip from my teacher. i was a lazy pig in high school, and often did things that may actually cause God to punish me.(but i won't tell.) but then, i got 5As,2Bs,3Cs. and i was only expecting to get 3As. but 5As was my original goal. so in a way, i'm like "whoa!". i made my family proud. and made myself proud too. although maybe if i wasn't lazy, i could get more. but let's be thankful for what we got right? so THANK YOU GOD!

for anyone who's taking major exams..
trust me. if you study hard,oh wait,study smart,you'll get flying colours. if you don't,you'll waste your parents' money. and risk dissapointing yourself and your family. and that, i tell you, is a SUPERMASSIVE BAD FEELING. okay i don't know if that fits, but well.. so don't make a stupid decision k?

LUCKS!

c a r r o t c o l a l o v e s t o r y

Family.

bAby bLuRtz

1. i hate these past two days
2. work sucks
3. things don't seem to go right
4. i don't seem to get myself together
5. i fucking need a day off to chill

these past two days,things had been far then awesome. i used to love working. i look forward to everyday at work. i still do. but these two days made me feel like "oh fuck i need a rest". i still love my job though. but it's been everyone's off day. i mean, not a good day for us. but well,things can't be picture perfect all the time right?

i mean..

kakak had been in quite a moody mood these days. can't say i blame her. she got a lot to do. and we also had little to offer her help since we weren't trained to do a manager's job. we were trained to do our job. hence,why we can't help much.

then our inventory started making a few problems. and i won't say how. but.. go figure.. and there goes our reputation. we,when i say we i mean the 3 full timers have very,very,very good reputation with the bosses. and if they found out about this,we might not be respected anymore. and for me my reputation there is super important. why? coz i work fucking hard to earn and keep it. so,don't even try to smash it. i'll kill you for sure. i'm dead serious. if i work hard on something and you come and try to smash it,you'll be gone by the time you try to apologize.

but anyways..

i hope by tomorrow everything would be just fine.

i miss the old FAMILY theme we have there. and fighting with your family,not a good feeling eh? i know..

C A R R O T C O L A

If tomorrow never comes

bAby bLuRtz

Hi..
Can i have a word?
You realize,we may not see the person we love ever again right?
Okay i'm not scaring you. Don't cry just yet.
But..
I realize,if i never see my parents,my siblings,my adored friends,my dear ever again,i won't have the chance to tell them how much i love them. Expecially,mum. I love Mum so much. Yes we may not always agree with each other. But i love her. She's the exact person that i am now. The reason for me to go on even when the clouds are grey. My idol.

Then there's my siblings.
No matter how much they may make me sick,they are a breath of fresh air into my lungs. They're what makes my life fun. I love those damn people so much. They rock!

Friends...
Oh how could i ever forget you guys?
Throughout the years,i've learned to differenciate true friendship and fucking fake friends.
And those who sticks with me.
Who knows me clearly inside out.
Who told me off when i needed to be.
Who not only gives out compliments,but also mocking me at times.
You guys,
i can't never thank you enough.

Dear.
Oh gosh. Where did i go right? How could i get you?
you know you meant the world to me.
for every seconds passed, i love you even more.
i know. i may not be perfect.
but dear.
i love you.
you're my bestest friend.

for everyone i love
should there'll be no tomorrow.
i am telling you.
I LOVE YOU!!

PENAMPANG FUTSAL SUPPORTS EARTH HOUR

bAby bLuRtz

Penampang Futsal is happy to join and support EARTH HOUR.

28 March 2009
8.30pm-9.30pm

For that 1 hour. PLEASE. Switch off your lights. Show some love for our Earth.
It won't cost you much. In fact,it'll cause you less in electric bills. *wink.

Penampang Futsal proudly supports EARTH HOUR.

That one hour of darkness, could make our future brighter.
Please. Have some empathy.
SWITCH OFF THE DAMN LIGHTS.

I AM ERICA MATHESSHA.
I AM SUPPORTING EARTH HOUR.
AND I'M URGING YOU TO SUPPORT EARTH HOUR.

It's in our hands.

p/s I love you EARTH.

Less Lovey Dovey

bAby bLuRtz

no 1 will understand anyway.
it dun matter.
so why bother?
i rather talk about other things.

cinta can fade away if you don't appreciate tau?
kecik2 2 hal pn..
PAY ATTENTION

Lek ba..

bAby bLuRtz

bado pnya jran. menyanyi2 as if the world belongs to them. hello. past midnight od k..suda2 la mau jd kelab jiwang karat cna ah? buang karen ja. org mau tdo shit.

lg 1..
why izit so hard to do this??
since when has i become so annoying?
doy..
bguz sa diam2 ba kn..
duy..
lek ba..
suma org pn pnaz k..
i'm tryin 2 hav at least you 2 understand.
but nope.
i'm annoying you 2.
fine.
kita tgk ah sapa tahan.
when i dun giv a shit no more..

Talking About..

bAby bLuRtz

I'm a person who believes in giving people second chances. because i know even i need chances. and i need it more than once. because we can't expect anyone to be perfect at one try. so trying more than once is a way to achieve things we want.

but sometimes,
people misunderstood the chances that are given to them. they took it for granted. and some even use it as a opportunity to laze around. not till they are pointed with the pressure,then will they realize the consequences of not making the best of the chance that are given to them. these kind of people are the ones that annoys me a lot. being a person who believes second chances are a way to prove one's ability,i hate to know that one that is lucky enough to have one more shot at doing something better, can actually have the heart to ruin it. it makes me think twice about giving other people a second chance.

but then again,
knowing that you can have a second chance doesn't mean that you can do your job half-heartedly the first time. you must always make sure you carry your responsibilities well. even if it's your first try.

i may sound like a mother right now,but i just wanted to blog out my thoughts. and need i remind you,that this is my blog.

^^
kisses..
C A R R O T C O L A

An ending i didn't ask for..

bAby bLuRtz

how would you feel if you were the one standing at my place now? would you cry? would you be angry? would you wanna run away? would you wish things were different? i do. but things like this you just can't change. there are some that are meant to last forever while some can't never work out. i guess i just didn't see it happening to me. i knew it was coming,but i never know it could be so near. how could this happen? and for the dumbest decision? i don't know. this is a dilemma. my options are clear. i'll stay with the on i know always love and takes care of us. i can't choose someone i barely know. not with the decisions he make. i wish it didn't have to be like this,but things happen for a reason.

i just wish.
i don't have to deal with all these.

Can I have this dance?

bAby bLuRtz

QUIZZES..

SECTION 1 ]
1. HONESTLY WHAT COLOR IS YOUR SHIRT?
= itz white..y?

2. HONESTLY, WHATS ON YOUR MIND?
= Why am i answering this?

3. HONESTLY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
= On9 la obviosly?

4. HONESTLY,DO YOU LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS?
= what do u mean like? I LOVE HER. I'm ADDICTED 2 evrythin her.

6. HONESTLY, HAVE YOU DONE SOMETHING BAD TODAY?
= yea..i let sum1 reload me.N i x layan him.

7. HONESTLY, DO YOU WATCH DISNEY CHANNEL?
= sumtimez.it's better dulu.Miley's lame.

8. HONESTLY, WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON U TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
= Hm.Nobody.o wait.a customer 4rm work.

9. HONESTLY, ARE YOU JEALOUS OF SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
= hm.no.y shud i?

10. HONESTLY, WHAT MAKES YOU MAD MOST OF THE TIME?
= d irritating stuffs la..

11. HONESTLY, DO YOU BITE YOUR NAILS?
= haha..ya..dulu la.

13. HONESTLY, DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMEONE THIS VERY MOMENT?
= JERALD PHILIP. I want 2 see him now. Because i miss him.

14. HONESTLY, DO YOU HAVE A DEEP DARK SECRET?
= yez. but it'z called a secret 4 a reason.haha..

15. HONESTLY, DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND THAT YOU REALLY DON’T LIKE?
= yez.yez.yez.

17. HONESTLY, DO YOU LIKE/LOVE ANYONE?
= yup. i love God. I love my family. My frenz. o..N my DEAR. Cyunx u all. Mmuahh.

18. HONESTLY, WOULD YOU KISS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED?
= yez. y shudn't i?he wil..haha..

20. HONESTLY, WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
= money? o wait. Milo.

[ SECTION TWO ]
1. HONESTLY, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET MAD?
= i write. i shout. i tel my dear.

2. WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE DONE WHEN YOU WERE MAD?
= hm..i x ngat.lol

3. HONESTLY, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
= when me n Dear had a fight last time.

4. EVER CRIED YOURSELF TO SLEEP?
= haha..ever..byk kli..plg truk on 2 Nov 08. y?adala..hahaha

5. DO CERTAIN SONGS MAKE YOU CRY?
= yea..

6. WHAT USUALLY MAKES YOU CRY?
= fights. Kna mrh.

7. Do YOU MISS YOUR EX'ES?
= haha.. no.. i miss my current boy.

[ SECTION THREE ]
1. IS THERE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW, THAT COULD DO SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?
= Yez.

2. WHO CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY?
= alot..Dear i guess..

3. HOW WAS YOUR V'DAY?
= besa ja..

[ SECTION 4 ]
1. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR TODAY?
= work ja

2. WHAT'S THE LAST OR CURRENT BOOK YOUR READING?
= something borrowed by rachel gibson.

3. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOMEWORK?
= haha..xda..ambik ko..haha

4. A is FOR ?
= ayam.

5. WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY LISTENING?
= mumy bising2..

HONESTLY: WHO IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?

Astaga..Blik2 uda sa jwb..
MY BOYFREN IZ JERALD PHILIP. He's 19 diz year. He's currently at Labuan,Matriks. And I LOVE HIM..

Random.

-mY adik angkat. Fornitha Abigail


-that's my lil sis.


-my mAn. mY dear. My everything. MINE.

No Comments About

bAby bLuRtz

Okay. Here's my day.

I woke up-7 o'clock. Even before my alarm goes off. Y? Coz i have to work morning shift today. I bath,went to eat with Dad. Oh wait. Before that,Dad gave me allowance for today. Why? Coz i want. Haha. Then we go donggongon before Dad sent me off to work. we ate at 818. Dad malas makan banyak so he ate some of my Mee Seafood. It was ok la. I drank Lemon Ice.
Then work.

At work.
I said hi to Fred. I thought Ema's working too. But rupanya it's her off day. So i checked the schedule. Teri's supposed to work but she didn't show up. I later found out from kak kitty that in the morning only 1 person is working inside. So. I said ok.

Then as usual. I did the stock inventory. I did the booking and all those works. Then. None. I sat around. I finished early ba. Kakak came. We talked. Then phone calls again. As usual. The calls never stop. Then i have to deal with some 'drama'. Customer and stuffs.

Then it's 5. I was supposed to do the stock closing and handover the information to Ericca and Mona who's working night shift.

Guess what? For the 1st time. FnB short RM3.40. OMG! where did the money go? I was at the reception most of the day. Geez. I tell Kak Kitty and she helped out. But still short. I felt like 'kurengz.There goes my rep." Luckily kak kitty know i won't kasi short money. So at 6 i went home.

I reached home.
My lil sis belum help me do the chores. Shit. She belum mandi pun. O gosh! I shouted at her for being irresponsible. I mean why did you on the laptop but ignored all the chores? I geram.

Then.
the usual.
Bath. Cuci kain. Spin kain. Jemur kain. Lipat kain. Eat.

Now.
I'm in front of my laptop.
Blogging about nothing.
But well,again,IT'Z MY BLOG.
Lol..

Boredom Baseball Match..LoL

bAby bLuRtz

Ok so i'm at home now. Yea and i feel so bored. Lame. Bored. It just doesn't adds up.
At times like this i just miss school. Oh wait,not school. Merely the people there. Some of them anyway. Some are just cruel,ugly,dumb and no-life,low lifes. Oh well i sound like Edward Cullen. Aww. I'm dropping. He's hot. Ok it's all Poro's fault for making me learn all those terms like *droops,*drools,*roll eyes and etc.She uses it all the time. Gosh. Oh btw,she's my favourite and best adik angkat. She's fun to be around. LoL.

Last night after the uncomfortable event that occured and i still don't wanna talk about it,my dad came out of the room suddenly to have a drink. He was like "go to sleep.It's late." It is. It was 2am. HaHa. I wanted to stay and blog but daddy won't let it go. He sat there until i actually off my laptop and went to bed. Geez,Dad. Way to go. Yeah you. *rolls eyes

But i was still not asleep in the room. I was sms-ing and nightdreaming coz i can't sleep. And i can't on the light and start writing craps either coz my lil sis was sleeping and if i on the light,BOOM! world war 3. so..I decided to just lay down and wait for myself to doze off. And the uncomfortable event kept playing through my mind and i kept pushing it away so i won't throw up or feel sorry. That's me,i feel sorry easily and always think about should i help or not. ANd so on and so on. Me and my imagination. My dear always say i'm kinda 'budak-budakish',but i don't know where i got it from. Yer..

Anyway,while having a imaginary fight with the 'event',my Dear called me. See. One of the things i love about him includes how he always calls me up when i'm not expecting it. And for what? He just wanted to say he missed me and he wants to hear my voice. Aww. Love you dear. So we talked and mocked each other,that's just what we do. Since i'm still 17,he always 'ejek' me for being young. He's only 19 but yea he thinks he's all that. Haha. No bah. But yea he keeps mocking me coz in a way.i am kinda 'budak-budakish' around him. He kasi manja me so what do you expect? Lol. Corny,i know. But well,my blog. So,go figure. LoL. Such a meanie. Anyway we talked and i asked him to go to bed since he got class the next day. He's in Matrix Labuan. So he did. Only after goofing around with me again. Then the usual "i love you" etc. And off he went to sleep. While my eyes is still wide open.

And minutes later,i dozed off.

Woke up at 6 when my mum reminded me to do the chores earlier coz we have to go to church tonight. I mumbled 'uh huh' and went back to sleep. Then at 8 daddy woke me up,just to ask if i'm going anywhere and tell me he's going already. I know dad. HaHa. Then because of the late night,i fell asleep again and woke up at 10 something. I went to dad's room to watch tv. Coz i like to lie down there. HaHa.

Then the usual..
Bath.
Eat.
Tv.
Then,blank. What to do? Hmm. I decided to go online. For no reason. But since i'm bored. So i did.
Here i am. Blogging. YM-ing. But still,bored. But it's just so i can kill time.

I'm still bored. Well. Let's see if i can find something to inspire me to blog later ok? For now, I'm out.

Ok that was uncomfortable

bAby bLuRtz

Ok i can't tell you what but that was freaking uncomfortable.
Eww..It's happening again?
Urgh what do i need to do to have some peace and quiet in my mind?
Screw it.
I'm just gonna play dumb although i feel sorry for her.
But what can i do?
Ergh..
Please stop it now,God. Give her the chance to sleep.
And peace for me.
Although i know the trauma will always be there.
Eww..
Why did i go and blog at this hour anyway?
Stupid.
Urgh and this is the day Eric planned to take my earphones away from me.
Technically it's his but,heck who cares?
Yeah.
I did it.
I made them stop.
Haha..
Yeah me.
Now please stop for real.
Yeah they stopped.
Thank you God.
I love you.
I can leave a happy girl now.

There You Go EASTMEN SIMON

bAby bLuRtz

ok eastmen,you got your wish.
your in my blog. lol.

He wanted me to do this and i thought yea why not. And he wouldn't let it go either. He keeps giving me ideas and stuffs. Ok eastmen,here's your shot of fame.

So I only know him by the name Eastmen. Yea that's all. We're not,you know,BFF or an ex lover or anything. He's merely a friend of my cousin Amanda. From what i remembered,he was into Amanda last time. And he used to call me up to talk about her. Yea way to go,East. Very 'gentleman' of you. *smirk.. Lol.. Kidding.

So anyway,Amanda was seeing Cyles at the time,so,go figure. Pity Eastmen but then he dissapeared. Just like that. Now that it's out in the open,where did you go,East? Go pujuk yourself after all the dramas? LoL.. Again,kidding. NOT! ^^

Anyway,while i'm writing this post,he was smsing me. Note to you East,NEVER DISTURB A WRITER WHO IS WRITING. LoL.

So anyway,as Eastmen suggested,i will tell you guys about our weird friendship.

We met again last year?Or was it this year?In church i guess. Coz then when i got home,suddenly he started YM-ing me.And i have good memory,but sometimes,i can't recall someone. Expecially if we weren't that close before. So he told me,oh wait,EXPLAINED to me who he was,where,when and how we met. And the day we met was like,3 years ago. I was in Form 3. And that was for Confirmation he said. So,i said oh what the heck,he's an old acquintance so why not just rekindle the whole FRIEND thing? So then we became friends. But only on YM la. He gave his number to me. Which i don't know why considering we're really not that close. Then he asked me why did I delete him from my friendster?Agin,i was in awe. When did i do that? But well,i just say,i don't remember. Haha.. I really don't. Sorry.

Then last night we started sms-ing. Which is kinda weird coz we really hilang jejak for a long time. And we talked about his gf. Ok anyway,East,the gifts are wayyyyyyyyyy too much. Bras and Bikinis aren't really what we girls want ok? Now aren't you glad you have a friend like me? LOL.

The weird thing about East is,he adores my modelling career. Eventhough i told him countless times that it's not that awesome. But he still wants it. SO yeah,go for it if you want.

Anyway,i'm going to stop now because i'm really blur on what to write about him. Plus,my Dear is going to kill me if i keep talking.Not to mention East's gf will kill me too. But for the sake of Eastmen who wanted this so much,i did it.

Happy now? LOL.

this is probably the most weirdest post i ever blog but,well,FOR A FRIEND.
Geez,Elle..WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too nice..HaHA..

Anyway,East gud luck in your hunt for stardom. and quit bugging me about this post. LOL. and lucks for this march. i know you need it. Now you owe me all those branded things i told you about earlier..LV,CHANEL,TOMMY HILFINGER,JIMMY CHOO..the list goes on..HAHAHAHAH

LoVe NotEz

hey..some people ask me what i can't seem to get.

1 of it is how i met my dear.

i can't never understand how i deserve him at any rates. i mean,i'm not even someone who knows how to love properly. considering my past. haha.. and yet this guy finds me lovable. there are guys who finds me lovable but heck they don't even know me.
they just think they do. they don't at the very least.

but this guy,he gets me. in every possible way.i mean he holds me when i'm down. shows me what it's like if i just let go and love.

i remember how i feel safe whenever i'm with him.because for once,i don't have to take care of myself on my own. i can,but still he feels the need to protect me.he knows that i am at times very vulnerable,and he is there to say it's ok.and it is.because i have him.and i know i have something else to fall back into.so,in a way,it's very comforting.

this probably will sound stupid,but he treats me like a baby. i am his baby. he mocked me for being underage all the time,but that's really what makes him fun. he's just so funny and he doesn't even know it.he cracks me up alot.and that's good.i like humor in a man.haha..

and the greatest part is..
he loves me for who i am..

i love him too..

mY lOvE leTTeR

bAby bLuRtz

okay i am a girl that really love to write out her feelings,hence the blog. lol. so this is a compilation of what i did for my dear. not all of it is in here coz some of it must always remain private.most of it. lol.

the most recent one is this.
-
if i knew i was going to fall in love with you
i'll sit and wait for the day we met
because that's the day i've always wished for
the day i'll fall for someone special
then i'll forward my life to the day you told me you love me
and freeze the time for a few moments longer
because that is when i feel so special
my definition of perfect
certainly includes moments i spent with you
i'm right where i want to be
as long as i'm with you

for this moment i put in this one first..more later.

p/s i cyunx my dear no matter what.

i'M bAcK tO bEiN rEsPoNsiBLe

bAby bLuRtz

heY.
so i went for a job interview at the futsal court today. tomorrow's my training. the job sounds fun. and i'm looking forward to it. let's just hope things go really well tomorrow. wish me lucks u guys.

and i hope this time the job don't suck like the last time. ugH.

mY FnF arE aWesOmeLy craZy bUt i LoVe ThEm moRe tHaN mySeLf

bAby bLuRtz

like TOTALLY. i love all my FnF. in case ur wondering,it's FRIENS and FAMILY.. not the digi stuff, it's real life..

i love my somedays annoying,irritating,messy but awesome family members. here:

dAddY:Mathew Henry I. Mujim
-dad,ur awesome. i know we're not that close. but still ur awesome. i'm still that Daddy's girl so don't kecewa2,i am still the same. only older,wiser and capable to take care of myself. lol.. daddy,i love you but please don't be too hard on us dating? lol.. we are not kiddies anymore. lol..

mUmmY:Eugene H. Joitol
-mum's like the most determined and strong woman i know. when she wants something,she's like i'm gonna get that no matter what. Geez,now i know where i got that from. lol. mummy ur my superwoman. i am ur daughter,friend and everything. i love how u keep me grounded. which makes me who i am today. i'm so taken care of i don't get influence easily. hence,why i'm still a virgin,and i love that,it's sexy. and why i'm not into alcohol,smoking or anything wayyyy too party for me. sure i love going out but i'm not a club person,not really loving nights out either. i don't know. i kinda like grounding myself. the traditional girl. lol.. perasan? whatever.. it's true.. i have fun,but not till it's too out of control. okay wait,this is supposed to be about mum,elle,not u.lol. yea.mum made me all that. i love mum.. we fight but heck,it happens ba..
i love mum

big bro:Eric Mattson
the musical 1 in the family. he plays the drum. he used to own a guitar,i don't know where it is now,and i never really hear him play that. now he's into drum,so yea,he's the musical one..

2nd bro:Erie Mason Mathew Jr
the stylish one.the metro one.the smart one.the perfect one.he does all the houseworks.he can cook okay?he's a perfectionist.he's mean.like me.but meaner.he loves everything stylish and unique.not bad to the eyes too.he acts the way he is and practically don't care what others' think.he is who he is.he's like my favourite coz he is so thoughtful.everytime he comes back,everybody gets a present.Expensive ones,mind you.and he's protective.yea,like he'll screw anyone who messes with the family.and he's a funny guy.can be very annoying with his critics at times,but whatever he said,if you mke it,it turns out to be the best.

3rd one:Erica Mathessha Mathew
ME!!!!i won't talk about me. that's gonna bore u. lol. u will know me if u get to know me.

last one:Evie Lynne Mathressha Mathew
yea.the last one.the babygirl.she looks up to me.i know.lol.can be a real scaredy cat at times,but i think he'll be just like me in the future. loves dancing and acting silly. be mean butod,don't be afraid of those who envy ur supermodel shapes and exotic looks,u rock. i like fighting with you. or else it will be like really weird. guys,watch out,this lil girl is 1 hot babe. girls,keep hating,she'll shine more than you. the family is on your side baby. even me?urgh..^^

my friends,gosh there's so many. considering i'm way too friendly. what? i love making new friends. Hmm..Sarah,Natra,Syafina,Emma,Suzanne..My besties from my early years. Sarah,stop looking down on urself. ur hot. And let's spread the love of BBman and our X-rated songwritings. lol.. Nat,always making stupid jokes with me. we're like LOL all the time.

Fornitha,Melissa,Julie and all those juniors that rocks.. i love you guys. u guys are awesome.
my 5c classmates. my lipas Ain n Azella. you guys are the bomb.

and everyone i didn't mention,it's not that i forgot about you,i takut x ckup tmpt. lol..

I LOVE ALL OF YOU..

see what happens when we sort it out??

bAby bLuRtz

see?it's not that hard is it?just sort it all out?forget our egos,our pride and yea whatever it is called,u don't expect me to like list it all right? lol..

nwyz,it feels real good when we are actually talking and not fighting now. it's great coz now,i am squeezed into ur life again. gosh i sound like a squeezeball or something. but hell, i am in again. yeah me.. i love me..

yea it feels great when u say u love me and everything at midnight. it was our anni. and funny how we made up so fast? hey i thought things are close to over? lol. but then again, remember, this is my 1st REAL,SERIOUS relationship. so can't blame me? right? o heck,my friends will know me better.. i can't explain myself at times..

but well,i hope everything's gonna be fine between us again.. i love you and you know that..

p/s i do remember 12 April ok? don't say i don't. i do. ^^

when i am hurt

bAby bLuRtz

i'm really out of words..trust me, i am deeply hurt..
trust me..i am really not going to be okay..not now..
i don't know why we must drift apart
i don't know why we can't laugh as often as before
i don't know why everything i say hurts you,but you will never ask how hurt i am
i don't know love coulb be this hard
i don't know why i still love you when i know you won't even remember what's the special day tomorrow

i know,valentine's coming. our 10th anni is tomorrow but i'm sorry, i have to be alone now. i have to cry alone. i have to hurt alone. i need to punch anything so i'll feel the pain in my hand instead of my heart. i just really have to go through this alone. i'm sorry.. i'm not perfect for you..

if you want to walk away, i wish you all the best.. trust me, you are the last one i will ever love.

I MISS YOU OKAY?

bAby bLuRtz

so i've been very patient ever since we almost broke it off last jan. i thought being patient perhaps may bring us good,perhaps we will be better. i was right. we don't fight as much anymore. we started to be just like before when we're happier. and i love it. i do.

but hey,now you're way too busy. i know. it isn't your fault. it's just how things go. but is it my fault if i want a bit of me squeeze into your life just a wee bit? i'm your girlfriend. someone you promised your heart to. someone you promised to always love and adore. someone you said meant a lot to you. but why am i not feeling all those things?

i know. i am being selfish now. and i'm sorry for that. i just really miss you. i wish you could have the time to chat with me longer. cause now it's either you went to class, meetings, studying, or fell asleep. i missed the times where we could chat till morning and you are always making me laugh, making me wanna miss you and all those stuff.

i'm sorry i'm selfish. i just want a little bit of your time. is that too much to ask? if it is,okay,i'll stop asking. but please never ask me whether i miss you. cause you know the answer and it hurts me to tell you about it and still i can't have a moment longer with you.

again,i am sorry for my selfishness..

Love in so many ways

bAby bLuRtz

i know out there there are many of us who are in love. i am too. i love my boyfriend a lot. i guess that's just how we feel when we're in love huh?

well see when i'm in love i'm really a sucker for love songs,romance novels,romantic movies,romantic gestures,love poems,love quotes and all the lovey-dovey stuff. i don't know. it just felt like it's all for me. lol. i know i sound really corny now. yea.. been there done that. lol..

but hey i just wanna post a question to all the couples in the world.. what is love truly? is love shown by kissing,hugs,or sometimes even sex? is love all about what we must do while in a relationship? or is love merely just a word? is love why we're holding hands? does love gives us the permit to go beyond ourselves? can we not care about ourselves to make the other one happy,satisfied or whatever it is? if a couple doesn't kiss,hug or hold hands,are they not a romantic couple?

see? there's so many things that i have been wanting to ask. but i can only think about this much for now. it's hard to think it all out right now. lol.

anyways, why do we always associate love with couples? seldom do we remember love also goes to God,family and also things we adore. but why does it always has to be associated with boyfriends and girlfriends? yea really,WHY??

anyway,if anybody can give me all the answers,i appreciate it.. ^^

for now,let's just ponder with me okay?

because of what he did

bAby bLuRtz

yea..hi hunkz n babez who cared 2 read.lol.so,i've watch twilight.yea i knw..itz kinda like last year for thoz who od watch it but hey,i tried 2 go watch it when it 1st cme out.but i was still having my spm and itz impossible to leave the house w/out me thinking a lot of awful thoughts.nwayz..dat movie was great. EDWARD CULLEN is like my latest obsession. o gosh isn't he just tasty? i knw. itz juz a character but who cares? if i am a silvertongue(4 thoz who watched INKHEART u'll know wat i'm talkin bout) i'll definitely read him out of the book. i lov bella 2..she's so laid back. n strong. she's not the typical girl dat cares only for their hair and mkeups. she's like so indipendent and she duznt giv a crap about stupid stuff. she trust herself n her decision. she's awesome. n gorgeouz 2..

nway,is edward d dream guy 4 all the galz out there? i dunno. or is it a stupid thing 2 ask since itz so obvious? i dunno. itz my blog..
nway,for me,yes..he is the guy i dream of. able to protect me,willing to stand up for me in any condition,respect me,my family and his own,funny,brave...etc..o n also,hot! like seriously..can't get over the way he smile,its so cheeky..d way he kiz,ok i dunno it coz bella kiz him,i juz drool 4 d moment i wiz i was in.lol..he's sorta imperfectly perfect..such a catch..loving..omg..my boyfriend's so gonna ban me from diz movie. lol
if guyz can b like edward,isn't it awesome? i mean,he so love d gal. n he makes sure she's always safe. o gosh,i lov dat in a man. lol..

okay i'm gonna stop talkin abt edward nw,b4 my dear says i'm freakin him out..lol..
nwayz,he's HOT!!

Is life a truth or just a lie?

bAby bLuRtz

truly,everyone keeps describing that they live their life as it is. but really,are we really living in the truth or are we all living in a big fat lie? wanna know what i think?i think we all live a lie. why? here's why:

-cos we tell people we don't hate them,but actually we do
-we tell one thing to 1 person,then 1 thing to the other person
-we said we're okay when we're really not
-affairs still happens in happy families
-we're always wishing for something,someone,somewhere,sometime better
-we hate ourselves but we say we love ourselves
-we envy other people but we still say "nay..they're nothing"
-we say we're so different when actually we're just the same
-we think different but what came out of our mouth is different
-we tell lies so many times but we say we're honest
-we live up to others' need rather than ourselves
-we remember others' mistakes,but we never recall our own sins..in the words of FALL OUT BOYS,we're in love with our own sins..

and there's so many more..let's admit it hunks and babes..

I'M SO MOVING ON

bAby bLuRtz

HEY GUYZ
remember my last post abt the truth?
yep..it helpz me moves on sooooo much..
2 all my ex lovers,pminatz n crushez..
u guys get on k??
i so love getting on with my life..
how things had changed..

SPECIALLY FOR BRANDON AND AMANDA

bAby bLuRtz

1st,hey brandon.thanks for viewing my blog. it wasn't meant 2 hurt or kc mlu u,it was a confession 4rm me coz i nid 2 get out of all the past stories.. so amanda told me u feel guilty,but to tell you the truth,i kinda mau ckp tq..coz u showed me not to fall 4 a guy easily and not to trust a guy way 2 much.. so x pyh la rsa anything coz truly,d crush i had on u da lama hlang.. zman batu agn..haha.. gud lucks in ur life.. move on and get on with ur own story.. XD

2nd,manda,i know u meant well and u told him pn actually xda salah.coz he dun mean anything nw.never did,come to think of it. well actually tq 2 coz u made him read my confessions and now he knwz the truth..

anyway brandon,hope u baca d blog smpi abiz..btw,mcm mn od ur mka??i 4got..lol..
manda,ur stil my lol cuzie..haha

The Truth Be Told..MY SIDE OF THE STORY..

bAby bLuRtz

so everyone keeps asking me why was i a heartless girl for love last time.. i'm so tired of explaining, so i'm coming clean. plus it's been in my head for far too long. i don't care if those who are involved in this post reads this. they need to know. not that it matters, but i just feel that it's time to move on and get the story out. or else you guys will always label me as the girl that was cruel enough to hurt guys.. lol..

okay.. my 1st crush, i think it was arthur from my primary 4 class. that crush was on and off cos he was kinda liking this pretty girl named pin jin. and i was no match. but well, that crush was not like long or anything. it was a stupid 'oh!he's cute!' kinda thing cos all of us been through that time in primary school when we were so absorbed in love story in our fairytales. haha.. so 1st crush didn't work out.

then there's this guy named brandon john from sunday school when i was 13. see? i remember him cos he's the most memorable crush i've ever had. haha. gila. i remember he was in my sunday class and he always sits in the table in front of the table me n my sunday girls sat. my friend melissa like him so much she talks about 'that cute guy' so much. and i never cared. haha. i was busy being stylish,trying to be the trendsetter there. haha. moving on,our class had to be separated into 2. 1 class stayed at the same room while the other half had to go into another class at parish. it was so new back then. still is now. haha. anyways, me and this brandon was part of the half that had to go to parish hall. melissa was like 'what? jaga him for me.." and everything. i did. sorta. brandon always stole a look at me and i always returned it. haha. then we had this young's people mass where we,the young ones take over all the jobs in mass. choir,wardens,ushers and so on. except the priest la. haha. during practice, me and brandon were the chosen ones to be the main warden la kinda. haha. teacher even say you guys look 'ngam' together. haha. then the same day, melissa ask me to ask his name and everything. i know that at that time, we look like total fools. gosh. but anyways, we did found out his name and then the story gets better cos after that,melissa sorta think that brandon was into me cos he always said bye to me and everything melissa wish he will do to her. even during thje mass, we went together and everything. we sat closely together cos all the other young ones wanted us to be together. budu. haha. and i think i passed a note to him to ask him to layan melissa or something like that. but he and melissa never really talk. :(
anyways,while confirmation course, me and amanda,my cousin sat together. then brandon came with his friends and had a choice to either sit with his friends or sit with us. guess what? he chose to sit right beside me the whole course. lunch,tea and everything,he was with me n amanda. mostly with me la. haha. so the crush grew bigger. i think by that time i was already in form 3.
but then sad thing was amanda told me he's into Trish. and amanda was his new bff. instead of me. sad.
the thing that erase my crush on him was the day mw,amanda,him and johnson went to an outing together. i was treated like i wasn't even there. i was like the stupid invisible caperon while the guys kept paying attention to amanda. i was so mad at them. hence, the heartless ERICA. i say no to ever liking a guy. i said FUCK THEM ALL WITH THEIR STUPIDITY. hah.

at the same time,when was 13,i had a small 2nd crush. he was a senior in kian kok. his name was Choo Rong An,Brian for short. everytime he passed my class,my friends would tease me and i would look out just to see him passing by. doy. punya buruk. eh,come to think about it,he looks a bit like my current boyfriend. haha. anyways,he only talked to me once and that crush padam sendiri tanpa disedari. haha.

so after the whole brandon thing,i never wanted to be in a relationship. NEVER! when i moved into another school for form 2, i think it was then that i realize that i kinda grab attention. ba,sumandak uda kan.. anyway, i think i remembered how alan and daniel fought for me to be their gf. lucu2. alan was sweet la. he always buy me drinks and come to see me and dating la whatever. when i was sick he was there. haha. he wrote my name and his everywhere. pencilcase,bottles,u name it. but the relationship pun i pandang tiada2. coz i xtau we actually couple. haha. budu.

then there's hishyam. ego dia bukan main hebat. he never said it's his fault. i was always the one to blame. he sayang me but still,i never cared because time 2,banyak orang lain mau ba. and he pun bikin sakit hati ja. surat ba jadi communicator. budu. anyway, i broke it off jg. until form 3 he still sayang me and he did tried to kiss me and try to be romantic and all,but i didn't let him and never cared cos for me,GUYZ R NOTHING!!

then for many years i became so heartless i break every heart that adores me. playgirl la kunu. but never lose my maruah. i'm a conservative girl okay? they were treted like pizza ni. haha. cian.. jahat oo sa. sorry ah.. whoever yang minat2 me time 2 mmg cian la. xda layanan ni. cian kamu.. siow.. i was heartless.

then tiba2 i have a crush on Jaejay. pasal dia cute. tapi 1 day he ask Robson to go to the library knowing i was going too. gila. happy tul time 2. semangat ni mau p. then he turned up with his gf. punya sandi. nangis jg la skejap.. haha.. tapi x lama cos me balik jadi heartless in 2 seconds after lepas geram dgn c mel..haha.. tQ meL..
jangan ctau org..haha..

anyways, awl 2008 i was hurt,but by april i was happy again. cos 12th April 2008 marked the day i kapel with Jerald Philip. haha. our story? well,he's my uncle's wife's brother. so in some ways,we're connected. he's supposed to be my uncle. haha. anyway,we 1st met on december 07 at my aunt a.k.a his sis' house. he bru fnish spm.. 2 2 jual mahal ni. xmau layan kunu. 1st thing i noticed was he look like brandon.(brandon and brian?byk jg sama muka ni?) but he was so sombong i told another aunty that he's sombong. haha. anyway,my another uncle jokingly said 'ko ada gf?' to him and he said no. then unclr joked 'ni ank c genie(my mum),ko xmau?dia single ni.' i remembered saying 'doy uncle!' haha.. disgusted la kunu.
then,i think on jan like that i went to my mum's office with mummy and my sis. he walked out of the supermarket downstairs drinking cola and walking towards the tong sampah. and he stole a look at me. i was trying to remember who he was. like that la. after that day my mum kept telling me he kirim salam and everything. and she told me his name. like that la. the 2nd time i went there knowing he kirim salam. malu2 la me. control ayu kunu. and his friends teased him about me. 3rd time was when i made up my mind to really get to know him. but he wasn't there. so sedih la kunu mission x jd.
tp ptg2 he ada already. when i walked into the supermarket,he stole a long look at me. sa sedar tu tpi buat xtau. haha. anyway after that,my mum had to go somewhere me and my sis cannot go. so we had to go my aunt's house for awhile. it was nearby ba. so i took the chance and ask jerald if the computer there still works cos he's staying there. he said nope. and he ask why. i told him we had to go there while my mum busy. he asked me to wait for him n sama2 jalan balik at 4.30pm. i laughed and said gila. tpi dalam hati,haha..
so off we went to auntie's house and he came back earlier than expected. ponteng kerja ba. i was in the toilet when i overheard him asking auntie where i was. haha. malu dia when i came out. then we went to have tea with my mum and sis. that's when we really had a real conversation.bla3..
back at auntie's home,auntie told us to stay for dinner. and before we head home,he asked for my num. skill 2 ba. he said mau contact about skating.kunu la. haha. then we started to chat. i remembered telling him to buy digi cos at 1st he use celcom. and he did,the next day. haha.. sweet.. then the rest is history..

so see? my love life was so teruk at my early years that i became heartless. only last year did i found myself truly falling in love and giving love a chance. haha. i don't regret it at all. never. Jerald is the guy i always wanted. he's not perfect but neither am i. our relationships had ups and downs but still,we still loved each other at the end. he still owns my heart.. till now.. we're coming to our 10 months anni..haha.. suprised??

so that's how i became heartless and then went into becoming the girl in love.. paham uda ka???
stop asking me...haha

end of story....

i love him

bAby bLuRtz

gosh my dear,itz only you on my mind. i should go to bed now. but i can't help thinking about you. i miss you a lot. i can't bear the thought of losing you. if i have to,i know it'll hurt me so much. knowing that i love you, but i couldn't be with you. if only you knew, that i'm not trying to break you off, but i cant be too attached, or else when you walk away,i'll cry my heart out.

life isn't always sweet,i know that.but with you,you showed me why i cant leave you. you're my everything. please never say i'm playing your heart,coz i'm not. you meant the world to me. i never knew i could fall in love so deep with you. if i can have 1 more day with you, i'll kiss and hug you so tight,i'll tell you,MY DEAR,YOU ARE MY LIFE...

so happy

bAby bLuRtz

my dear
you made me so happy today.. when you told me you love me so much,and when u show me what's it's like to be loved. i really felt what you told me..i really love you a lot too..you promised me so many things i could never feel i deserve it..but dear,you are my sunshine n my strength..and i do mean it when i tell you i really love you..no one can ever replace you.i know that.because loving you ang you loving me in return made me feel like i do deserve to love and be happy.if i ever make you sad,make you mad,or never treat u nicely,i'm truly sorry..but dear,if u ask me,the answer is yes my dear,i love you..

i'm willing to go to the place you want
i'm willing to marry you by the age of 25(jgn mrh..)
i'm willing to have your kids
i'm willing to forever be your baby..

JERALD PHILIP
I'm IN LOVE WITH YOU..
TRULY MADLY DEEPLY

bReaKinG mY heeLz..

bAby bLuRtz

let's have a quick flashback.
few minutes to new year: he told her he love her. she said it's still early. he said it's ok. better early than late. she was flattered. yala..apa x..kna ckp i love you and stuff. also he told her his resolutions. and 1 of them includes her. bla3..

3/1/09
just 3 days after new year and now they're having problems. he seems bored. she's fighting for his attention. she's worried cos' he was at his hometown where his ex is everywhere in sight. ya they broke up. after 7 months of passionless love story(ya right!). but he took 1 year and a half just to forget the girl he never even hold hands with. what is wrong with him? okay. maybe it's a good thing in some ways. but.. okay i can't explain it..

now she's like a bit confused.
she loves him..
questions in her mind now..
HE LOVES HER.. HE LOVES HER NOT..

wHat wiLL u caL diz

bAby bLuRtz

aPriL'z BlooM
The BoyFrieNd
tHe gIrLfrieNd???

p/s SOMEONE REALLY LOVE THIS GUY AND THE GIRL

WELCOME 2009

bAby bLuRtz

WELCOME 2009.THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I DIDN'T REALIZE TIME PASSES ME BY.

haha...my new year celebration last night was like ok. my 2nd bro put on the countdown and we waited for the new year moment. i bathed my chihuahua named poly. he was so excited. me 2.. okay enough of that crap..

this year,
let us all try to be the best we can be.
let us all try and go green.
let us all try not to trash BRITNEY SPEARS so much ok?
let us all have a great new year.
let us all understands the quote LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH
try n explore
big is beautiful
everyone is awesome
dance more
less war
c hw obama does..(he's awesome)
understands the need to not be mean..

XD
more later..