bAby bLuRtz
long time no bloggie. i missed u.
anyway,don't be suprise by the title. i know it's so 'keBMan' but yea i don't really know what to describe of this post.
so anyway. i've been with this guy quite a long time now.it's been what?a year and almost 2 months?yea i know that it's not necessarily gonna be like a happy ending and stuff,and i'm not putting much hope on it.but i guess i could at least appreciate it while it lasts.
this past few days, or shall i say weeks,we have been going through quite a few rough times. and usually it's about the same damn thing. u know i'm not the needy type. i might be. but i won't say that i'm that much needy.i can give time but,hell sometimes,i just miss him a lot.but he's just into the games.i'm like 'helloooo??your girl's here?'.but when i talked to him about this,we'll usually fight.and i hate that. i hate it. the last time we talked about this,i broke up with him.but then we got back together within hours.i mean,i love him.it's hard to let go.not when i really love this feeling.but,it's hard to stay on either.because it's just gonna be the same thing again.
he said it once that day,that when we broke up and make up again it seems a bit meaningless. God knows how that sentence hurt me. deeply. what is he saying? that i'm being stupid for trying to give it a go again? that we don't deserve to be together again? that i'm boring him with making up? that,i'm...ugh i just don't know. i'm sorta sick of thinking about it too.
i never ask why did he say so. or what did he meant when he said those words. i guess i just didn't want to know. i do. but i'm not sure i'm ready for the answer. but, next time when i say break up,or when he wants it,i'm not gonna want to make up again. i think i'm just gonna embarrase myself if i keep saying yes to making up after breaking up. i'm not needy as i said before,so i won't. don't worry my dear. next time it's for real. so make it worth it.
i love him. alot. but. things change. they will. we may find ourselves feeling different afterwards.
but i do. i love you. more than u'll ever know.
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